Six impossible things

Why This Is Not A Proper Blog Post

So this week has been crazy, yes, but it’s the last two days in particular that really did me in. Saturday in particular. It went something like this:

Wednesday

Me: Cazaril, that’s about six too many hairballs. I’m calling the carpet cleaners.

Cazaril: Hmmm? Did you know there’s a bird outside this window? I bet if you let me out I could catch him.

Nimue: <bored sniff> You have no claws and almost no teeth. You’d never survive. <thinks a minute> Yes, slave human, let him out.

Me: No. He has no claws and almost no teeth and there are raccoons and foxes around. I’ve seen them.

Nimue: Whatever. I have more important things to do. <naps>

Me: Right. Now I get to move the office furniture around and make sure all the computer cords are out of the way.

Cazaril: Yay! Cords! Can I play with the mouse?

Friday

Me: Cazaril, that is my knitting. It is not a cat toy.

Cazaril: What? You didn’t get out the fishing pole toy the very instant you came into the room. <looks pathetic> Without a fishing pole toy, I have to make my own fun.

Me: <sighs> <retrieves fishing pole toy from library, where it has mysteriously relocated><plays with cat>

Cazaril: You know, I really like it with all the furniture pushed out to the edges of the room like this.

Me: Enjoy it while you can. It’s only still like that because the carpet is still damp.

Nimue: Speaking of damp carpet, my favorite sun spot is still wet. Make a lap, slave human, so I have somewhere warm to sit.

Me: You’ve taken over the couch. Isn’t that big enough for one small cat?

Nimue: Lap. Now.

Me:…

Nimue: <naps>

Saturday noon

Me: Well, that’s the dishes and three loads of laundry and some work on the book done. I’m going to sit down for a minute with the iPad.

Cazaril: Weren’t you going to move the furniture back and write that blog post?

Me: I have a couple of hours yet before I have to leave for the concert. I can take a few min… Hey!

Nimue: You have made a fine lap, slave human. I will deign to sleep on it.

Me: I thought you settled on the couch.

Nimue: I am tired of the couch cushion.

Me: There are three of them.

Nimue: I am tired of all of the couch cushions. I have shed on all of them. Now I will shed on you.

Me: Don’t settle in. I’m getting up in a minute.

Nimue: That’s what you think.

Me: I’m bigger than you are.

Nimue: <stretches, unsheathing long, sharp, curved claws> Nice slacks you have, slave human. And nice furless skin under them. Be a shame if anything were to happen to them.

Me:…

Nimue: <naps>

Cazaril: Oooo, laps! Well, a lap. Can I share?

Nimue: <opens one eye> Try it and die. I have claws and you don’t.

Cazaril: Um, yeah. How about if I sit on the top half of the slave human?

Nimue: I suppose. <naps>

Me: Wait a minute, what… Mmmpf! Cazmpgh…furry mplbf…wah! Phew!

Cazaril: You don’t like me being a neck warmer?

Me: Neck warmers are supposed to wrap around the back of the neck, not the front. They are also and especially not supposed to interfere with breathing.

Caz: Oh, all right, I’ll move down a bit, but you have to shift your arm so I won’t slide onto the Nimmie-cat. She’s scary.

Me: Now look…

Caz: <purrs>

Me: Well, at least I have a hand free for the iPad.

Cazaril: You know, you could scratch my ears any time now.

Saturday, several hours later

Me: Aack! I have to leave for the concert! Move it, cats!

Saturday, midnight

Cazaril: You’re back! Finally! I’ve been sitting here for hours.

Me: I am fatootsed.

Nimue: Fatootsed enough to forget my medication?

Me: Not quite. Open up.

Nimue: <does imitation of furry eel and slides into miniscule opening under couch>

Me: Come back here!

Me: <several hectic minutes later> Gotcha! <pills cat> Now for bed.

Cazaril: Yes, come and make a warm spot for me to sleep on. I’ve been waiting days.

Nimue: Weren’t you going to write that blog post?

Me: Aaack!

Cazaril: It’s one in the morning and I want my sleeping spot. Do it tomorrow.

And that, folks, is why I have no proper writing blog post this morning.

7 Comments
  1. Ah, yes. Good reasoning. I know that’s a good excuse because my own cats (who still have all their claws) just ‘suggested’ I agree with you.

    At least cats don’t demand status as co-authors since, by their rules, they automatically own the whole book-thing to begin with.

  2. It might not be a ‘proper’ blog post, but it was very entertaining! My cat has the same attitude (in fact I am typing around him right now).
    Thanks for sharing ^_^

  3. Yeah, getting to hear the cats’ dialogue in “Calling on Dragons” is just about my favorite part of ANY of your books. Except whichever one I’m currently reading.

  4. Who needs a proper blog post when you have this? :)Also, Fatootsed? I have no idea what it means, but I kinda love it.

  5. I had to stop reading halfway through Friday to get out the fishing pole toy for one of my own furry, er, “helpers”. So, so true.

  6. *giggles hugely*

    One of mine has found a way to sit on the chair arm, my chest, and my forearm while I’m on the laptop (my writing machine). I can sort of continue to write. Painfully. *sigh*

  7. I had a cat who used to sleep across my neck. One Saturday morning, she had kittens while so positioned.

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